Hello, nice to see you readers again on my blog.
Thanks for visiting again ~ !!
As we have discussed before in week 2 post, effective communication is of course very important, but even though you have managed to communicate effectively what if there is some personallity difference. In this case effective communication might come out to have little help.
Here is some problem I had with my girlfriend long time ago. (Saying like this since i don't have one now... T_T)
It was my birthday. I had double appointment, one from the morning to dinner and one from 8 p.m. till next morning. The earlier one is for my girlfriend and the later one is for my friends. So the day before my birthday I gave a full explanation to my G.F about my plan tomorrow and also I have a appointment with my friends at night. I used phone call and face-by-face channel and my G.F. said o.k.
But the problem happened that day. After dinner, around 7:30 p.m., I needed to move to the next place and told that to my G.F. Guess what? She said 'No you can't go now'. Her idea was even though i have appointment i should go there like after 9:30 p.m. And the reason for saying like that was my number 1 priority should be her not my other friends..
In my situation, of course my G.F. is important, yes, she is my number one treasure (excluding my family in this grading thing). But I still have that kind of trust 'Friendship is first than love'. This doesn't count for my future wife or kids, my parents and family. But between my G.F. and friends? They are both the same on my list. So I thought that since i have made up meeting at 8 p.m. I should be on time. And also I have gave plently of explaining to my G.F.
What I think about this problem is me and her differences in balancing love and friendship. In her case she would rather spend the whole day with me, even though her friends would like to meet her at birthday. But for me since both are important, I would like to meet both of them.
What should I do in this situation?
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meet your friends with your girlfriend la!
ReplyDeleteask her to meet your friends together. Just give her a chance to choose. k
Woah! Shine is using the grammar of Singlish correctly. I have a lot of foreign friends who tried but failed. HAHA!
ReplyDeleteAnyway I think your girlfriend is overly possessive and failed to recognise that you need to spend time with your friends as well.
Like I mentioned in my blog and 2 other blog comments, I think empathy is one value everyone should have to to maintain a healthy relationship. It is not about suppressing oneself to say, but rather to work things out in harmony.
I'm glad you broke up with your girl friend, if not, she may not let you out of korea and you would not have come to singapore! haha.
No comments on this personal matter...
ReplyDeletebut I love Cheong's and Shine's responses- hahah!
Hahahah. Another relationship issue.
ReplyDeleteI guess that all everyone wants to quality time with their loved one especially since it is on a special day.
Your girlfriend was really too clingy. So if it was me, I will have to agree with Shine and bring her to meet with your friends in the other appointment. So it kills 2 birds with one stone. She can still be with you and you are able to spend time with your friends.
so what did you do? I guess what I would do is to try to understand what she really wants and what she is feeling. then from there after knowing the rationale behind her actions, I could call my friend and tell them I will be late since we would be partying till dawn. I would then bring my gf along if she wants.
I think that relationship issues are so complicated, But I hope that you learnt something from this.
Hey Mike! Ha! I definitely understand what you are saying in this post! I too have faced this problem before! However, based on personal experience, I always feel that my girlfriend is more important than my friends. But one thing she doesn't do is keep me late for another appointment. (thank goodness I have an understanding girlfriend!) ha.
ReplyDeleteHowever, this can be a big problem for your personal relationship if this posessive nature continues uncontrolled. I feel that at times, you need to exert your decison making skills, of course, using proper communication and EQ skills. Sometimes, you just have to let her know that you need your own space too.
Hmmm. I think that bringing her along wouldn't be a good thing because a boys night out is a boys night out and having her there would make her and your friends feel weird and the night would be totally ruined. Therefore, I feel that you should explain yourself to her.
This is of course my own view based on my own experience. Please take my advice with serious consideration. (disclaimer!) ha.
and yes. if u did break up with her. thank goodness you came to singapore! It's been really nice knowing you and i'll come visit korea in early may this year!
ddo ye gi hae!
Hey Mike! Since you asked on my post, here's a hint: I was the one who suggested that you can run an election in the future. Hope that helps in you recalling who I am.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, back to your post. I agree with Shine that perhaps you could bring your girlfriend along to meet your friends. This might work once or twice but the real issue was never addressed. She needs to understand that even though the both of you were in a relationship, each party should have his or her own space. Boys do need their own nights out and having girlfriends around may sometimes be awkward.
It is important to understand and respect each others' values and practices in a relationship. Perhaps it really wasn't a bad thing that this relationship of yours ended. =)