Hello everyone, one of my life long goal is to get a permission for UIUC material science and engineering graduate school. But as I need several qualification; tofel (103 ibt), GRE (no minimun score), IELTS (7.0 in total, at least 6.0 in each), GPA (3.0 above out of 4.0)....
The most problem for me is English Writing !!!!!!! Help me out ^_^
Also this application letter is really in a rough way... Didn't put that much time on my writing this time.... I ll make sure I can post this one again this week. even though it's for h.w. or not.
Getting help from other classmates really give me the feeling that i can do it ~ !
Kyungho Kim
B68 yo:HA @ Commonwealth Drive #01-233
Singapore, Singapore 140068
H.P. 65)9612-8837
E-mail : whitesnow1255@hanmail.net
Graduate Admissions
Department of Materials Science and Engineering
University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
1304 West Green Street
Urbana, IL 61801
Date : 07/02/2010
Dear Officer
Hello, I am very interested in UIUC graduate school of Material Science and Engineering PhD program. I'm really eager to take part of electronic material research as well as plastic electronics, since MSE PhD program let me take courses that is one of the top 3 graduate program and also UIUC was a school I wanted to attend from very young.
From 2009 fall to 2010 may semester, I was in Singapore National University for non-graduate exchange student program. During this experience I have attended one electric engineering course, two of my major course. It was my first time attending class that everything is done in english. By getting a A grade, I've got self-confident that I can be competible with other students from the world.
Also, during this period of my life I participated in 3 different clubs. nuSTUDIOS (a film making club), KCIS (Korean Culture Interested Society), Tennis club. I learned about inter-cultural, inter-personal communication, how to deliver my thinking in english effectively, what it would be like to be a major member of the society I am in. This in return helped me to do effective social networking inside the lab, school, local society and the country I'm staying.
All these experience I have done, will lead me to be one of the members and student that have responsibility, passion about one's goal, figuring out new atmosphere effectively. Which UIUC is expecting.
Yours Sincerely
Kyungho Kim
P.S. I am attaching academic transcript, statement of purpose, resume, and 3 letters of reference.
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Hello Mike,
ReplyDeleteOn the whole I think that your application letter to UIUC is clear and concise with the main points of the letter delivered clearly. There was also good examples to support your application.
In the opening paragraph of your application letter, i noticed that there are several acronyms which would not be familiar to lay people. Therefore, we could introduce what the terms mean before using the acronyms.
In addition, as you are applying to a graduate school, you may be required to state why you are interested in the program and how your experiences may support or help in the grad program you are intending to take. As you have your experiences written out in the application letter, try to link it back to what the application requirements.
Besides the above points, some parts of the letter is a bit incoherent and vague. This could be due to the use of language. for example, "By getting a A grade, I've got self-confident that I can be competible with other students from the world."
could be expressed as "By attaining an A for the module, I am assured of my ability is on par with other international students."
This application is a good effort. If you have any questions or problems, feel free to ask, I will try to help in whatever way possible.
Excellent comments from Lionel- I cou;ldn't have done better myself! Just one small word of advice Mike, watch out for you tenses. Ask yourself about the time frame of each activity or experience you are describing -when did it happen? Then decide on the tense. Also check your spelling when in doubt.
ReplyDeleteHi Mike! Good effort on the letter! I like how you round up your experiences and link back to what UIUC expects from its students.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lionel that you should include why you are applying to UIUC and what makes a great candidate for them. For example, you mentioned that you are interested in electronic material research or plastic electronics. For this part, perhaps you could find out the research topics that they do, and show them the relevant research experiences that you have that will complement their program.
Hey mike!
ReplyDeletegood try at application writing!
mmm. yes. i agree that you should pay attention a little bit more to the tenses and grammar because these parts relate a lot to the interviewer as to what kind of person you might be as they have not met you before.